Feeling Sad Today

Day 5 of 2013 ...

I'm having difficulty blogging today because I'm feeling sad.  My emotions are brimming to the edge of my eyes ready to spill over onto my cheek and trickle down onto my shirt.  I had to stop typing for just a moment to compost myself.  You are probably thinking ... - bad news - ... and you are right.  My little girl is sick.  No amount of hugs and kisses will make her better.  Hope will!  I have such an abundance of hope but will hope get here soon enough.  Before the pain sets in.  Before her eyes change from carefree innocence and sparkle to a look of longing. 

It's knowing she my be in pain for a long time.  It's knowing she is looking at me with the same young eyes I've seen for 27 years but now I see pain in them.  I have to look back into that young face and not let her see that I am crushed.  It's knowing I am one of the ones she will look to for support and strength, but I just want to lay down on the floor where I stand and go limp and be numb and deny, deny, deny.  But I won't.  I will be right there.  I will be by your side Bethy.  I would rather be infront of you shielding you but that can not be.   I won't say I'm not going to cry but I will be strong when you need extra strength.  I will be a sounding board when you need to vent.  When you want to rest I will adjust your pillows and tuck you in.  I will probably retuck everytime you move.  I won't know what else to do but you will be well tucked ...  I'm your mother all the time and I will mother you at times.

Bethy is a strong woman and now baby girl you will have to find more strength, you have to be stronger.  Physically. Emotionally. Mentally and Spiritually  She will have to take care of the physical strength on her own.  That will be hard because she has a back injury but youth has advantages.  Emotionally and Mentally you will get all the support your loving family can give.   The spiritual strength will be overflowing for you.  We know there is strength to be given through Holy Spirit from Jehovah God.  For this strength all we need to do is ask.   Oh I know everyone we know will be asking for your well being spiritually as well as physically in their prayers.   That's where I get my hope.  I'm not waiting on a miracle. A cure would be great.   Jehovah has given men brains and these brains can store knowledge to help, to cure.  But mostly my hope is that very soon all of us will be standing on a new earth, under new heavens.  All of us will be well. healthy ... young ... vibrant ... carefree.  
Bethy is a wonderful and loving and vibrant and creative woman.  She is a daughter, a sister, a wife and mother.  SHE DOESN'T NEED THIS PAIN SHE HAS THINGS TO DO!!


I don't want Bethy to know I'm scared.  That I'm already exhausted emotionally so I may not publish this blog.  Or I may remove it if Bethy or another family member asks me to.


side note to my stability - there are times in my day when I wonder if I am dreaming, right now I am hoping I am.


today's blog - therapy