I'm blogging early today ... 1 reason is because it's Thursday and if I don't blog early I won't blog until real late because the Ministry School meeting is on Thursday evening and I would blog after we get home. The 2nd reason I am blogging early is because I didn't blog last night. So on with today's blog.
I saw a picture posted on facebook of an old man sitting at one end of a bench and sitting on the other end was an old woman. The old man has a scowl look on His face, it's raining. He has an umbrella but He is holding the umbrella out away from Himself to the other side of the bench over the little old women sitting there. This means that scowling old man is sitting there in the rain and getting wet. This picture has a caption or title "LOVE IS CARING FOR EACH OTHER EVEN WHEN YOUR ANGRY"
When I saw this picture I downloaded it immediately and it became my new computer screen background wallpaper. That little old man holding an umbrella away from Himself even though you could tell from the expression on His face He was angry at Her and the fact that these 2 people were not sitting side by side but still ... unselfishly ... loving Her ... caring about Her ... he sat in the rain. That made me think of Cecil, of course, and any reader of my blog that knows Cecil will agree, our children will agree also, no matter how angry at me He may be at the time even if I stubbornly refused to move closer to Him to share the umbrella so both of us would have shelter from the rain. He would hold that umbrella out away from himself over my head.
When I showed Cecil my new background wallpaper He smiled ... He knows He would sit in the rain for me. OK ... I know who I am. I have flaws, we all have faults and flaws, things we would like to change. Realizing these faults, knowing your own flaws, that's one thing but saying them out loud is something very different. Hearing them ... and you recognize that voice .... it's your own voice.
I was raised in a household with 2 parents, lots of siblings, from time to time a grandparent or two and even some foster children. Pride was on the highest rung of the "SUCCESS" ladder. You needed no extra schooling to climb this ladder but you have to step on many fingers. You did have to develop a tough outer skin, hold your feeling within and no tears ....on the outside So when I was talking about this old man to my ever-lov'n-man about how He was Him and I knew even if He was angry because of one of my many many many flaws and faults, He, because He loves me, would see to my well being ... always ... and I was confident of this.
I made my mistake when I made it real. When I made this personal. When I opened my mouth and compared us. I fight to let go of that high rung step with almost every decision I make. If I were sitting with the umbrella and it started to rain ... how wet would we both have to be before I would open the umbrella? How long would I make Him wait before I offer some relief from the rain to Him? I just leaned my head on His back and cried silently for a minute but He knew and He turned and held me ... but His hands were wet because He was rinsing and cutting vegetables for me before He went to work. That made me laugh. He's good!
What internal battles do our girls fight because of the way they were raised? Are they who they want to be? I'm not. I want to be pleasant. I want to be someone you want to call friend. I want to like who I am. Someday ... I have hope that someday I will. Someday I'll stop crying or allow myself to start.
Later you blog readers - you
Have a good day
- Marcene
1 comment:
I too have a selfless husband. I know what it means and how hard it is to turn off that need to be instinctively self preserving always. It is a great thing to be loved this way and know it.
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