March 1st, 2013
Hello everyone, it's me again. Beth. Marcene's baby. I am blogging for my mommy tonight. I have been having a little anxiety here lately. Well I think a little is kind of an understatement. Earlier today i cried while watching a dog food commercial on T.V. Yeah you can say i'm a little OVER stressed and anxious! As some of you know on monday I have two things happening. Well more then two but only two of them are stressing me out. The first is my cervical scrap to get rid of the nasty cancer on my lady bitz!! The next is an ultrasound to see if the cancer has spread and is currently trying to reside in my ovaries!!! Not very nice if you ask me!!! They're my ovaries i should say who or what may reside there. Guess somethings are just more stubborn and think they "own" whatever they want. Stupid cancer, thinking it owns my body!
ok ok, anyway, i think i am getting off the subject. I'm typing fast so i can get everything off my chest at once and not rethink anything. LOL OK so anyway, those are the two things that are weighing on me so super badly right now. I have been telling myself over and over and over that it's not a big deal. I do still feel that way. The cervical scrap i am not stressing about that much, the pain the next day i am not looking forward to but hey, i deal with pain all day everyday anyway so what's a little downstairs pain thrown in the mix! Where was i.... oh yeah, so i'm not super stressing about the scrap i'm stressing about the ultrasound that will tell me what the next step is.
For a month i was feeling all relaxed thinking that it will all be over with after this scrap thing, BUT NOW i have this other thing that is going to happen that might be telling me i have to deal with this even longer. (big sip of wine and a deep breath) So yeah... i'm just a little over stressed. I wish i could just go back to the feeling of, Hey, this isn't a big deal. that feeling is LONG gone. I think i am starting to realize that there is cancer inside me. Cancer isn't a nice thing. It's doesn't ask please or say thank you it just..... is nasty!!!
ok ok, i don't want to talk about this anymore. So that is why i'm stressed but lets talk about something else!!! Let's talk about .... WINE!!!!! (at a later date we should talk about how much i love it !!!!! exclamation marks and CAPITAL letters)
So here i sit with my wonderful fancy glass of wine, looking nice and chilled in my fancy little wine glass. Just having a glass of wine beside you brings a sense of calm.... ok let me rephrase that, just having a glass of wine that is already halfway gone beside you brings a sense of calm. LoL because we all know wine doesn't do anyone ANY good just sitting and looking pretty.
(need to go tuck kids into bed this could take awhile) (i know, like you will notice i'm gone)
Man that took forever didn't it!!! ok so what were we talking about? oh who can remember, i think it was wine but i don't feel like looking back to make sure.
Tuck in was easy tonight. I only have 2 babies to tuck in tonight, Lilly went with Jim on a delivery. It's nice that he has a job that he can take one of the kids on from time to time, it sure helps me out. Of course it would also be nice if he had a job where he could stay home more to help me out but I don't really complain. I know he is doing what he needs to do for the family. I know from the outside it seems like he is just never here or maybe even doesn't care. But that is not the case at all. I will say, our family dynamic is alot different from most. At this point right now tho, it has to be. My husband is amazing, he really is. When ever i tell him i need him to do something he does it. He just isn't the kind of man who will..... what's the word...... well i can't think of it. He won't do something on his own because he thought you might need it. That's just not how he is. I'm ok with that. Take monday for instance. At first i told him i didn't want anyone going with me to the dr appt.. They said i would be able to drive myself and it wasn't a big deal till the next day, then i would need help. SO i told Jim, they said i would be able to drive myself and it's not a big deal, he said ok. But then, when i broke down and couldn't stop crying for hours, i told him i wanted him to go with me because i was scared, with out hesitation he said no problem. So even tho he isn't home much and he seems like a brick wall with no emotions. He really is the most amazing guy. That's kinda why i married him. LoL Of coarse he is a man, so from time to time he does have his "man-a-posal" moments. LoL other then that he is a good guy.
OK so...... i don't really know what else to talk about now. My wine is making me kinda sleepy so i'm thinking i am going to proof read this bad boy and head to bed. Oh who am i kidding, i don't proof read. I will let my mom do that! Boy is she in for something when she proof-reads this! LoL This is what you get when you combine, stress and wine and blogging!
Have a good night everyone
Love
ElizaBeth Marcum
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